A Letter For You, In Heaven

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There recently come someday in my life that was so difficult it left me despairing again. That night was close so dark around me that i couldn’t see God or feel His presence. I knew He was there, somewhere, but why do He now seem distant from me?

I pictured myself reaching out, grasping at air, searching for His love and strength.

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Then, in answered to my deepest prayer, I heard His tender voice told me, “The reason you haven’t been able to see or reach Me is that I’m not in front of you. I’m right behind you. My strong arms are around you, holding you from behind. All you have to do is lay your head back on My shoulder and rest. Don’t reach. Don’t struggle. Don’t try so hard to find My presence. Just lean back and rest in My everlasting arms.”

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The peace that filled my heart was so complete that it entered every fiber of my being. During the difficult months that follow, I promised to lean on Him like never before. It was hard to explain, but it became a different type of leaning, somehow more complete.

Then my circumstances became more difficult still. I developed a chronic, debilitating condition, and at times pain took its toll. It was during this low time, when i had no strength of my own, that i heard His gentle voice again, telling me, “Fall back! Just trust Me completely and fall back into My arms—like the game you played as a child.”

The experience's very real as it played out in slow motion in my mind. I fell myself standing in the middle of a blustery storm, atop a mountain of woes. I spread my arms wide open, lean back, and fell with total abandonment, total surrender, total trust. Slowly I fell out of the realm of trouble and storm and into God! I feel the soft landing envelop me with love.

I found myself floating in a beautiful, dark stillness, dot by tiny stars. I would call it space, but this place was not empty. It is alive, and the very nature of it fill me with courage and faith.

I felt it lift me up, up, up, high above the mountains. I felt the fresh, cool wind blow in my face. Riding on the wings of the wind, I was flying! 

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Then i heard His voice speak again. “This is your place of freedom. When your body is hold captive on a bed of suffering, let your spirit fly. Just fall. Fall on Me. Let yourself go and fall.”

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Suddenly “leaning” took on a whole new meaning. In falling i learn to completely let go and fall — not onto but into the everlasting arms. What a wonderful experience!

Science with all its knowledge and experience hasn’t come up with a pill for true inner peace that transcends any circumstances. There is no magic potion for a soul lost in hopelessness, no tonic for a spirit crushed under the weight of an unbearable burden.

I had been there, and i had found that peace. Though my outward condition remains unchanged, inwardly i have been healed — healed of an inner pain more difficult to bear than pain itself. I am free!

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Thank you for your sweet love, God.
I am totally surrender.

Your beloved daughter.

Location: South Jakarta City, South Jakarta City

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